Masochism is a valuable job skill.
I don’t know what my problem is. The only reason I have been good at sports is my psychopath-esque adherence to consistency in training. This has utterly sucked lately. I’ve got a laundry list of excuses for why I have allowed this to suck, but the truth is that training just hasn’t been important to me for the last several months. That realization sucks too.
I really can’t figure out why I seem to have lost my tolerance for discomfort in training. Anyone who has pushed the limits while training for anything can tell you this is definitely not a fun and comfortable endeavor. I have not pushed a heavy squat in months because of this. The anticipation of knowing that the bar on my back is going to make my body feel like a smashed bag of dog buttholes has been enough motivation not to get excited about this. Whatever. I will figure it out. I always do.
So, where do you go from here? When you wander to a place where everything about a thing you love sucks because you, as a person, have sucked and ruined it. I see two options:
- Come to the harsh realization that I can quit this at whenever I want and just go do something else with my time. This would eliminate the crippling shame I have given myself for half-assing everything recently. So that’s a big plus.
- Reevaluate. Make a new plan. Stop being a weiner.
I am not quitting, and I have never been near that possibility. I’m 40. I am in the Masters division for powerlifting. The weights I can lift are very competitive here on the world stage. Most importantly, I still like training and competing.
The moral of the story here is that this is the first time in my life that my head is getting in the way of my lifts. I have never thought about this shit before. Ever since I was about 9 years old, training has been brushing my teeth. Training has been eating food throughout the day. It’s been breathing and sweating and bleeding. It’s just something I have to do, and my body does it. But, now my likely CTE-rattled wet brain won’t shut up about it.
I usually hate training adages and memes and stupid “inside jokes” that millions upon millions of people are in on, but this is the time to just:
Shut up and lift.
Tomorrow starts a slightly revamped training schedule, and I will throw another post up once that’s completed. No doubt, with an equally positive tone as this post, but whatever. Onward and upward. Or downward and dumber. We will see.